ladycyon:

wildhyaena:

“Ive seen the Lion King.”

“I’ve seen Life of Pi.”

I’m getting so sick of this! So what if you saw those movies? Big deal! I’ve seen both movies. That doesn’t mean you know shit on hyenas. They are not evil, cowardly scavengers. They are awesome hunters that hunt WAY more of their food…

Holy Jesus Christ this. Hyenas are literally tied for my favorite animal. I’ve been doing reports on them since the 9th grade so listen up you little shits let me explain you a thing about hyenas.

Hyenas are fucking awesome for sundry reasons:

For one, they are the ultimate feminists. You think you’re going to get somewhere in hyena life by being a dominant aggressive male, think again. A female hyena is the head of the clan and if you want to have sex, you have to be the nicest, most submissive male hyena in the clan.

Female hyenas are so hardcore, so jacked on testosterone that their genitals resemble those of a male, their “mockpenis” is an extended clitoris  and was the origin of the rumor that hyenas could change gender at will. It is the canal they urinate, mate, and give birth through. You think you’re tough? Try giving birth through your penis.This is essentially what hyenas do.

Hunting strategies of hyenas are coordinated, sophisticated, and completely unlike the stalk-ambush methods of lions. Hyenas aren’t afraid to get down and dirty, distributing themselves among the herd and causing chaos from within, and then they stomp their feet like the motherfucking bosses they are and scatter the herd, picking out the weak ones.

Like wildhyaena said, a lion pride is more likely to steal from a hyena clan rather than the other way around, and please just give a fucking round of applause for the only fucking predator  that regularly and habitually goes toe to toe with the king of the goddamn jungle and holds their fucking own, no fear. In fact, lion/hyena rivalries are not just legendary in their ferocity, they are specific. Individual hyenas and individual lions frequently hate each other so much that they remember each other and will intentionally go out of their way to harass each other, should an advantageous opportunity arise. And that is a sign of immense intelligence if I have ever seen one.

They also have some pretty badass morphology. How would you like to have the strongest jaws in the animal kingdom, capable of crushing bones? Even a baby hyena that is five minutes old can do this. How would you like to be 90-120 pounds of pure muscle, capable of running close to 40 miles an hour and thanks to your huge heart (about 1% of your body weight) you can run for fucking miles. How would you like to have some of the most complex social behaviors found in mammals with some of the most adaptive, opportunistic survival strategies found in carnivores…

I’m sorry but if you believe that hyenas are stupid, slobbery, mangy poachers, you are wrong. They are amazing creatures and I want more people to love them like I love them.

You feel me?